There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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