I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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