Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
