Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
