As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
