I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
