Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
