if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
