it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
