did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
