I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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