is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
