You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
