Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
