don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
