he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
