You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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