i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
