So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im holly from the hills drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
