I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
