do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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