He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
