If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need to get me chipped asap
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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