butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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