Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
