I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
