Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
