I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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