My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
