you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
