I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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