did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
