There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
