I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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