I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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