is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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