Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
