suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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