she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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