I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
