3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
