I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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