we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
