I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
