So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
