I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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