so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
