Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
