do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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