Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
