it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My life is pants optional.
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