I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
