After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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