i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
