Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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