Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
