He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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