She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
