Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
