That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
