How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
