3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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