90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
