I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
