kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize