hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
