...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
