oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
