Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
