they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
