ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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