Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
