when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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