all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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