Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
