Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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