why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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