Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
