Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
