I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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