Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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