remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
