my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
