i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
