dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
