I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
