I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching her eat just hurts me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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