walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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