I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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