I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
