So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
