i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
