my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
