on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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