Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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